How to Trust Yourself After Trauma
Dear Self,
I know you want to trust again, and I know you are terrified to trust again. Take my hand as I show you a few ways to begin trusting yourself after years of trauma and self-doubt.
5 Ways to Build Self-Trust
1. Regularly check-in with yourself to see what your needs are
▫️Try setting reoccurring alarms on your phone for reminders to check in. Practice asking yourself these 3 questions: What emotions am I feeling? What thoughts am I thinking? What sensations am I noticing in my body?
▫️Try checking in with yourself 3x a day when you sit down to eat a meal
▫️Put a post-it note on your toilet seat to remind you to check in every time you use the bathroom
▫️Make a practice of asking yourself how you feel right after you wake up in the morning and right before you go to bed at night
It doesn’t matter when or how you do it, I just want you to start getting into the habit of considering yourself.
2. Ask yourself the difficult questions and allow yourself to answer authentically, not how you think you should answer
Remember all those times you lied about what you wanted or who you were to be perceived a certain way? Well, now it is time to answer honestly. Whatever you are exploring right now in your life deserves your honest attention. Lying only means prolonged suffering for yourself and shapeshifting into a person you do not want to be, a person who is unfulfilled. Have the courage to pause and ask yourself What do I truly want or feel? Start with little questions like What do I want for dinner tonight? Before you immediately outsource your decisions by asking others what they want, check in with yourself to reclaim your inner authority.
3. Learn what boundaries you need to start implementing to be the best version of yourself
▫️Allow yourself to say No when you want to say No.
Limit your exposure to people who feed your self-doubt as you are learning to build self-trust again. It is best to surround yourself with understanding people who respect your voice as you rediscover this part of yourself.
▫️Allow yourself to say No when you want to say No.
Protect your energy by limiting your exposure to places, events, and environments that erode your sense of self. Repeatedly overriding your gut feelings reinforces self-abandonment, not self-trust.
▫️Allow yourself to say No when you want to say No.
Did I mention you should allow yourself to say No when you want to say No? This is very important. If you don’t have the freedom to choose Yes or No, then you don’t have freedom. Period.
4. Respect yourself as much as you do others
▫️Follow through with the commitments you make with yourself, just like you do with friends, colleagues, family, etc. If you decide to go on a walk tomorrow morning, then go on a walk tomorrow morning.
It doesn’t matter what you do; it matters that you do what you say you’re going to do.
If you make plans with a friend and then cancel 5x in a row, your friend probably will not trust you when you try to make plans the 6th time. So why would you trust yourself when you are doing the same thing?
▫️Respect your own opinions as much as you do others. If a friend, or stranger even, shared an opinion with you, would you doubt it? Would you analyze it? Would you ask for validation from 10 other people about his opinion? Would you criticize and judge it? Or would you simply accept this person’s opinion because it is HIS OPINION. You are no different. It is okay to be okay with your own opinions.
5. Be a loving parent to yourself
▫️When you are experiencing hard emotions, give yourself compassion.
▫️When you make mistakes, forgive yourself.
▫️Let go of judgement so you can create a safe place to be seen and heard.
▫️Treat yourself the same way you would treat your child, and if you don’t have a child, treat yourself the same way you would treat any random child who knocks on your door selling Girl Scout cookies.
The goal is to become everything you never had but always wanted.
You can do this.
I trust that you can do this.
xoxo,
Self
