5 Mental Patterns that Dysregulate our Nervous System

Dear Self,

Some of the coping strategies that you developed in childhood to get your needs met are no longer serving you as an adult. What was helpful then, is now harmful. Let’s take a look.

5 Core Mental Patterns that drive our Nervous System into a state of Dysregulation:

1. The Helper Pattern

   ▫️You have the fawn response to trauma
   ▫️You get safety and love by what you do for others
   ▫️You define your self-worth and meet your emotional needs by what you do for others
   ▫️You often lose contact with what you really want because you are focused on others
   ▫️Other people’s needs seem more important than your own
   ▫️You give to others what you deeply hope they will give to you
   ▫️You struggle to know your OWN voice
   ▫️It’s not about helping others; it’s about you trying to meet your needs

2. The Achiever Pattern

   ▫️Your self-worth is defined by what you do and what you achieve to win love from other people
   ▫️You often drive yourself beyond your own limits in the pursuit of the goals you have set
   ▫️You treat your body like a machine
   ▫️You lose touch with your emotional world because you are too consumed by what you are trying to achieve in the outside world
   ▫️You aren’t living in a sustainable way because your self-esteem and safety is connected to the outcome of your achievements

3. The Perfectionist Pattern

   ▫️You are constantly trying to get things right to receive love
   ▫️Your self-worth and safety in the world is tied to doing things the right way
   ▫️Doing things right is a measure of you as a person
   ▫️If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing right
   ▫️When you do something wrong, you feel unsafe and in danger
   ▫️You are fixated on the details, doing everything correctly along the way

4. The Anxiety Pattern

   ▫️You try to think your way to a feeling of safety
   ▫️You frequently say, “if this happens, I’ll do that”
   ▫️The world feels like an inherently unsafe and dangerous place, and the way you stay safe is to stay in your mind
   ▫️You tend to have a lot of mental activity
   ▫️You live in your head, not your body

5. The Controller Pattern

   ▫️You try to think your way to a feeling of safetyYou try to feel safe and loved in the world by always being in control

   ▫️You may have learned in childhood that being out of control is unsafe and therefore, you must be in control in adulthood.

   ▫️You need to feel in control of yourself and the world around you to ensure that you are safe.

   ▫️You often find yourself taking on too much because you believe you need to be in control.

   ▫️Your greatest fear is being seen as sensitive and vulnerable; you want to be seen as powerful and in control.

   ▫️You lead to control others vs. to help others.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Until we work on these underlying patterns, the source of our stress will still be present. Healing these core patterns will have a LARGE impact on regulating our nervous system.

xoxo,

Self